24
If you are not a fan of the television series 24, than the list will mean nothing to you. However, if you are a fan of 24 and willing to have Jack Bauer's children, then this list is right up your alley.
You think you know Jack? You don't know Dick.
Below is a sample of the Top 60 Humorous Facts About Jack Bauer.
Top 60 Facts on Jack Bauer
- If everyone on "24" followed Jack Bauer's instructions, it would be called "12".
- If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
- Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
- If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
- Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
- When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
- Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
- Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
- 1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
- When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
- If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.
- Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
- Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
- Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
- Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
- Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
- Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
- Jack Bauer once won a game of rock paper scissors using niether rock, paper nor scissors.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
Every mathematical inequality officially ends with "< Jack Bauer".
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Jack Bauer removed the "Escape" button from his keyboard. Jack Bauer never needs to escape.
If Rosa Parks was in Jack Bauer's seat, she'd move to the back of the bus.
Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better fucking do it.
Jack Bauer once double teamed a girl.. by himself.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
Jack Bauer arm once wrestled Superman. The stipulations were the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.
It is a known fact that when Time magazine awards "The Man of Year*", there is fine print on the bottom of the cover that says, " *besides Jack Bauer."
Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?
Jack Bauer got Hellen Keller to talk.
If you haven't laughed on many occassions by now, then just stop reading. However, if you dig this list, check out the entire Top Sixty by going HERE.
Stay tuned for updates.
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