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Vince Gives His The Longest Yard Review

Published May 31, 2005 in Movie Reviews
By Vince Palomarez | Image property of Paramount
The Longest Yard Nelly makes a worthy appearance in The Longest Yard
Dear Adam Sandler,

I am writing this letter because I am concerned with your future as a comedic actor. Sure you are making $20 million a picture and can pretty much pick and choose whatever you want to do, but all this money and success is making you soft. I just finished watching your latest film The Longest Yard and I have to say, while funny at times, this is not the Adam Sandler films of old.

The Longest Yard Movie Review

I remember the first time I saw Billy Madison, I was in awe at how funny that film turned out to be. The film was so random and offbeat you couldn't help but laugh at Old Man Clemmens, The Penguin and of course the best line of the film, "If peeing in your pants is cool, considers me Miles Davis". You then equaled that comedic genius with Happy Gilmore. You stuck with the same formula (Loser rises up and becomes someone) and kept that random comedy that made Billy Madison so funny.

You had grown a very large cult following and you're next film would take you to the next level. With the release of The Wedding Singer we were introduced to what would turn out to be the new you. In order to start raking in the big payouts you had to change your comedy and make it more accessible to anyone outside the demographic of 18-25 year old males. The film had its random comedy moments, but it didn't have as much impact like Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison did. The film was a huge success though and started you off on your path to comedic mediocrity.

Every once in awhile you would have small glimpses of your old self (The Waterboy and Little Nicky), but for the most part the rest of your films couldn't even come close to your glory days. The Longest Yard is further proof.

The Longest Yard Burt Reynolds returns for this remake
We've all seen this film done hundreds of times before. Athlete with a bad past must unite a gang of losers together in order to win the big game, but his past might cost his team the win and his redemption. Instead of adding anything new, you repeat the same formula and even make it worse. You have your usual funny moments, but the film turns out to be an unfunny version of Necessary Roughness. Not even a Chris Rock can save you; all he's good for is jokes ripping on white people. You couldn't even come up with an original idea; you had to remake a film that was done in the 70's and make it worse.

It really hurts me because I love football movies. All the hits are 10 times worse then they would ever be in the pros, there are always some players who suck in the beginning, but have their moment of glory and of course there is always some rebel who turns out to be a true natural. You have all of these in the movie, all of the big moments for the characters are there, yet I've seen it done better by Keanu Reeves of all people (yes I found The Replacements quite entertaining due to the Keanu factorů.which I will explain someday).

The Longest Yard turns out to be just like your more recent films, occasional laughs here and there backed up by a fairly generic plot. Since I love football movies I still found it entertaining, but the whole time I was hoping to see some glimpse of the man that was responsible for Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore. You were too busy raking in the millions and getting big names to be in your film to hide up for the tired thin plot. While your film follows the traditional football movie formula, you just can't add anything to it to separate it from the pack. So eventually it just winds up being another Adam Sandler film. Hopefully this letter is a wake up call to take a chance again and go back to the kind of random comedy that made you my hero back in the days.

A concerned fan,

Vince Palomarez


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Sources: Image property of Paramount

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