By Ryan Parsons | Image property of Fox Searchlight
Thomas Haden Church in Sideways
While watching The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
last night I had the unexpected prize of seeing Thomas Haden Church as the
featured guest. While I first thought Jay Leno may have forgotten that one
of the hottest subjects in film was who are the secret villains for Spider-Man
3, to my relief Leno was able to get the question after
the first commercial.
Hayden Church Talks Spider-Man 3 Villain
I guess Columbia Pictures doesn't even want anybody
hinting on what the next Spider-Man villain can be. After being asked by
Leno on who Thomas Haden Church would play, Church figured out a tactful
way to answer, or should I say avoid, the question. Church first tells Leno
that he would tell him backstage, but then goes on to tell Leno, and the
audience, what villains he won't be playing in Spider-Man 3. For
this I have to applaud Thomas Hayden Church. He humorously found a way out
of the question by drawing up some of his own villains that include 'The
Period', 'Man of a 1000 Chins', 'Gorilla in a Man Suit', and a 'Centaffe'.
So, let's take a look at the villains who Church
will NOT be playing.
'The Period' has villainous powers and is an enemy
to Spider-Man. First, the character causes bad grammar for Spider-Man.
With 'The Period' around, Spider-Man loses all dotted periods from written
work including the dot underneath the question mark. Second, 'The Period'
causes moodiness and cramps around women.
Man of a 1000 Chins
This guy is a big guy with, literally, one thousand
folded chins. However, I cannot remember what weapons this villain used
Gorilla in a Man Suit
This villain looks exactly as he sounds. Walking
on all fours, 'Gorilla in a Man Suit' is a strong villain that would sexually
assault Spider-Man if given the chance.
Probably in some relation to a Liger, the Centaffe
is half centipede [back end] and half Giraffe. This villainous character
has extremely sharp teeth.
I know all of these Spider-Man villains sound crazy and Thomas
Haden Church did admit he had created them some time after midnight. But,
honestly, after The Tonight Show was over we were left not even
one step closer to knowing who the real Spider-Man 3 villain(s)