By Vince Palomarez | Images property of Columbia Pictures
'Cheers to this POS'
What happened to you Rob Cohen? You were never
the greatest director around, but you always had this knack to make your
films unintentionally funny. You were so out of touch with the age group
you were trying to appeal to that your films were hysterical. Case in point,
the opening 10 minutes of xXx have to be one of the funniest things
I have seen in awhile. In your insistence to make the lead character "cool"
with the young crowd you had him steal a corvette belonging to a senator
who wanted to pass a bill banning "rap music and video games". In order
to kick it up a notch and show how "extreme" he is he drove the corvette
off the bridge where his friends (and extreme sports legends) Matt Hoffman
and Tony Hawk were waiting to pick him up. As ridiculous as that sequence
sounds it is definitely a crack up and leads to even more outrageous laugh
out loud moments.
You had a great reputation in my eyes and even though I knew that your latest
film Stealth was going to be bad, I was expecting to enjoy the
same types of laughs I had with all of your previous films. Little did I
know that you would try to improve on your flaws as a director/producer
and by doing so ruin any shot of Stealth being an interesting film.
Stealth Movie Review
I can't understand how anyone could screw up and
make this film not only bad, but incredibly unfunny, but somehow you managed
to do so. The plot for Stealth alone screams comedy gold! A team
of hot shot Navy pilots is teamed up with a computer controlled jet called
Extreme Deep Invader or "Eddie" for short. Things get out of hand when Eddie
gets struck by lightening and decides to go rogue. Now the pilots must bring
Eddie back before he starts World War III. Sounds kind of corny doesn't
it? Of course it does, which is why I was expecting to laugh my ass off
throughout. Little did I know that Mr. Cohen would disagree with me and
make a film so bad, so uninteresting that I never laughed once (and for
people who know me that is a rarity).
I guess there were a few things you could get a laugh at in Stealth
like the fact that Eddie plays cheap pop rock every time he heads into battle
or that all the main characters are your typical stereotype that are in
every action film (The rebel who breaks all the laws, the straight edged
pilot who has a thing for the rebel and the third wheel who has no other
importance to the story than to be the first one to die). But even these
aren't done in a way to make you laugh, rather you feel embarrassed that
you actually paid to watch something like this.
Jamie Foxx, Jessica Biel, and Josh Lucas in Stealth
Stealth lacks any kind of original thought
having stolen the majority of its plot and characters from better films
in the 80's like Top Gun, Iron Eagle and even 2001:
A Space Odyssey to a degree. Even though Stealth stole a bunch
of ideas from different films, with a solid story and good performances
any film can be saved....too bad no one from Stealth agreed with
this because this story looks like it was put together by a team of idiots.
Halfway through the film, so many unnecessary sub plots get thrown in that
the film becomes confusing and totally absurd. None of the actors really
seem to care that they are in this movie, especially Jamie Foxx who must
be kicking himself for the studio to release this film so recently after
his Oscar win for Ray.
Trying to find anything positive in Stealth would be like trying
to find a Pauley Shore film that is actually good. The special effects are
pretty entertaining, but they get shoved down our throats so much throughout
the film that they just become repetitive and boring by the end. I guess
the only thing even remotely good was that I got to see Jessica Biel in
a bikini, but it's not like I can't see that in Maxim magazine any day.
From beginning to end Stealth is one movie that you should stay
far away from. So many factors contribute to making this film one of the
worst I've seen all year that it would take forever for me to list all of
them. The only thing that could've possibly saved this film from being as
bad as it is was to be able to laugh at it, but everything is so bad there
is nothing to laugh at. Stay as far away from this one as possible and maybe,
just maybe, it will be a wakeup call to Rob Cohen to go back to making action
films that we can laugh to instead of ones where we want to leave the theater
Ladies and gentlemen I present to you my lowest rating ever as a reviewer...