By Fred Topel | Image property of respective holders
Rachel Getting Married
If Rachel Getting Married were a real movie, it would be one of the worst of the year. Luckily, it's not a real movie, so Snow Angels, Mad Money and Fool's Gold need not worry about the competition.
Review: Rachel Getting Married
Rachel Getting Married starts off very indie with obscure titles all over the screen. There is music and ambience behind them, because that's real life, man, not some corporate studio legible titles with an art scheme. Get ready for pretension.
Open on Kim (Anne Hathaway) getting out of rehab, making fun of a crazy patient. Yeah, this is one of those exercises for actors, filmmakers and critics. Not a real movie, in any event.
As soon as Kim's parents pick her up to attend her sister's wedding, they start throwing out their quirky pseudo-German words. They tell us all the family issues in the car ride. Kim thinks she's fat, because of course she does.
Throughout the family drama, characters overlap and interrupt each other, pretending to be natural dialogue. Look how normal we are talking about helium tanks. That doesn't forward the plot so it's just real. They talk with their mouth full to boot. They have their cute catch phrases, anecdotes and songs they sing, and it's all handheld, because that's real, man.
Kim is so self loathing, she needs to just get over herself. Even when they reveal her big tragedy, it's like okay, you have problems. You know who else have problems? The soldiers in Iraq. You know what else is tragic? Rape. You know who else have issues? Homeless people. Feeling bad is just drama.
Also, her self-deprecating remarks aren't amusing. She's like Darlene on Roseanne but with no wit. Everything is so designed to bring attention to how F'ed up she is, it's as obnoxious as people who really are that F'ed up.
And how many f***ing wedding toasts do we need? Does every second cousin thrice removed need to offer a perspective on the couple?
They manage to construct a few "powerful" breakthroughs for the characters so the actors can show their range. Hathaway gets to de-glam with bags under her eyes and scenes sitting on the toilet and shaving her pits.
That's what kind of movie this is. It exists for its own sake. It has nothing to offer an audience. Even the inexcusable Snow Angels and Hounddog have the pretense of being for somebody.