By Fred Topel | Images property of 20th Century Fox
Bride Wars actually has a message I can totally get behind. It actually calls its characters, and by proxy the audience, on its unhealthy attitudes about weddings. I just can't endorse it because it's so not funny at all.
Review: Bride Wars
Badmouthing a cliché wedding is not actually a joke. Neither is fake mundane banter about the patterns of long term couples. Screaming girly excitement is part of the genre, but they don't even try to earn it.
The whole movie has that same happy bouncy score in mundane scenes like walk and talks, because there's actually nothing happy or bouncy happening at all. All the music and screaming is so obnoxious, it's not just mediocre. It's really offensive to the senses.
I would even forget about the shallow material wedding pursuits. I realize a comedy has a premise so if it's funny, I'll judge it on that level. But accusing each other of things with no wit isn't humor. A sloppily typed text message might be, but it's an e-mail forward, not a movie joke.
Even their sneaky tricks don't result in jokes. The idea of signing someone up for a baby registry is funny, but just seeing an apartment full of baby memorabilia isn't a joke. A fast motion dance montage isn't a joke. Getting too much spray tan or a bad hair color is a stunt, not a joke. A dance off is not a joke and it's the same not joke as the dance montage.
No need to go into the pseudo-dramatic parts about dead parents. All comedies have to be dramas now too.
Now I do believe the movie actually shows that those wedding dreams are ultimately empty. I think dreaming of a ceremony and show before even meeting an actual person is pretty messed up. While Bride Wars indulges in the fantasy, by the end I think it's really saying, "Hey, a relationship should be number one. The stuff and event are superficial."
I also think wedding dresses are ugly. The idea that you'd spend your whole life building up to this one outfit that's the least flattering mess of business and frills is preposterous. Good luck with that, especially when you start starving yourself.
This is why we should let gays get married. They're actually doing it for love. This nonsense is the "sanctity" bigots are trying to "protect." That's right, both words get sarcasm quotes.
Maybe the economic crisis will change things. Now's the time for small weddings based on actual love and relationships. But Bride Wars sucks.