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The Twilight Saga: New Moon Still Not for Fred

Published November 19, 2009 in Movie Reviews
By Fred Topel | Images property of Summit Entertainment
The Twilight Saga: New Moon Poster The Twilight Saga: New Moon
I am not a Twihard. I know the teen angst of low self-esteem and self-destructive relationships is realistic, but I don’t want to glorify it. I want to help kids overcome those impulses. Is that what happens at the end of Breaking Dawn? I hope so.

The Twilight Saga: New Moon gets off to a bad start just but lingering on the title way too long. We know what it’s called. That moon effect just wastes time. And the homework assignment is Romeo and Juliet. Really? Because the tragic lovers vibe wasn’t clear enough?

Review: The Twilight Saga: New Moon

When Jacob (Taylor Lautner) explains how he suddenly got so bulky, it really feels like movie exposition. Did the book have characters discuss how he’d worked out and how it was only a shock because she didn’t spend time with him? Probably. They should have taken that out of the movie. We get it. He worked out.

The dialogue is just ridiculous. I know angsty teens really do talk in dramatic broad strokes, but seeing it on screen like this should show them how silly they look. All of Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson)’s dialogue is all setting up the next Hallmark card line.

“I have nothing to give you back.” “You give me everything just by breathing.” Don’t get me wrong. I’ve been there, but talking in circles doesn’t propel a story forward. It breaks down to this formula: “Do this for me.” “You’re already that to me.” So basically, whatever she wants, he already is and whatever he is, she wants too. All of Bella’s low self esteem and Edward’s constant reassuring her is boring.

They did improve the vampire makeup but they still look ridiculous to me. I guess they managed to make the makeup go all the way down the neck, but it’s still an odd shade that doesn’t look like a vampire as much as just silly paint.

There’s definitely something silly about these vampires. We’ve seen young actors play immortals hundreds of years old and gotten the weight of it, the metaphor and the badass intensity. These just don’t have it.

There is a real issue to deal with in this story. A teenage girl wants to be immortal, and her 109 year old boyfriend knows what a curse that would be. Of course, you can’t tell a kid anything. They have to experience it and learn from their mistakes, and this is one you can’t undo. It never feels as profound as Highlander, and rest assured, Highlander is not my high watermark for metaphorical drama.

Jacob seems to have it together more. He’s got anger issues but at least he knows it. The story still sucks him into the melodrama though. Twihards will be happy that New Moon is a better looking movie than Twilight and presumably sticks to the story. It’s still not for me.

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Compiled By (Sources)
Fred Topel
Sources: Images property of Summit Entertainment

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