I’ve been working on a theory that this year, there will be a movie so awesome each month that I’ll only have to compare it to the awesome movie of the previous month. I should also prepare myself that each month will have a movie so bad, I need only compare it to last month’s worst movie. That means Clash of the Titans is this month’s Green Zone.
Review: Clash of the Titans
Now I’m no fan of the original Clash of the Titans. I like Harryhausen’s effects but I think they’re sparsely used and it’s mostly a talky, boring mess. On its very own merits, the new <B>Clash of the Titans</b> sucks for a whole new generation.
The camera is in such constant motion, because it can with CGI effects. It’s supposed to be fluid and probably intended to show off the 3-D, but it’s too much. There’s nowhere to look when it’s all moving and you never see anything in its entirety. Even human talking scenes are all over the place. Just hold still for a minute!
The gods are just dicks in this movie. They were always troublesome meddlers in the Greek myths, but in a fun way. Now they’re not just insecure about their own egos, they kill innocents who haven’t even slighted them, and they’re rapists. We know they were always horndogs, but I thought it was at least consensual.
The extreme glowing light on Mt. Olympus was a huge mistake. If your purpose was to obscure the gods because they’re so great human eyes can’t take it, that’s a misguided approach for a movie. We came to see stuff, so you should make it clear how awesome they look. They’re also just weirdos. They behave so awkwardly, there’s nothing intimidating about them. Whether the intention was to make them pure villains, or they were supposed to be flawed, they’re not badass either way.
Every creature is so busy, it looks like Pirates of the Caribbean 3. All their parts are moving in different directions and you can tell the actors are just randomly ducking and jumping. The CG adds the monster attack but there’s no connection to the people. It’s only painted bigness anyway. There’s no real sense of scale. I don’t care how big you made the kraken, it looks stupid.
There’s no sense of wonder. It’s so in your face, there’s nothing to imagine. The owl cameo is cute. The Pegasi look real. They cut in a real horse enough that it sells the CGI one. The human face in Medusa just looks bad.
There’s also more talking exposition than the original. They really beefed up everything. Maybe they used CGI to add more explanation for what they have to do and why they have to do it.
At least the script is trying though. They make a few changes to the story to presumably deepen the plot. I think they encounter creatures in a different order and there are some different motivations, Zeus interacts with Perseus a bit more which seems only an excuse to have Liam Neeson in the movie more, but that’s good enough reason.
It was always going to be about the monsters anyway and that’s where they blew it. They even set up blatantly for a sequel which is laughable to me. They’ll probably get one though. Everyone goes to see anything that’s in 3-D now.
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