Miami Vice wins the title
Worst of the year lists are always harder for me
because there's so much crap from January to April. Then you still want
to include the ones that weasel their way into the good months. I could
have a list of 20-30 but that just becomes redundant. At least half the
movies made have to be mediocre or worse, so I whittled it down. I do want
to mention that Madea's Family Reunion barely eeked off
the list because I decided the scenes of Tyler Perry in drag weren't as
awful as the dramatic scenes, and Crossover was just a
bad stab at the urban market. Since they didn't fall for it, it's not worth
Worst of the Year List
10. Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector – I can't
put this lower because I didn't watch the whole thing. For all I know, it
got really good about halfway through. But the beginning was just so repulsive
and unwatchable. I like Larry the Cable Guy but this wasn't about his humor.
It was about his ass.
9. You, Me and Dupree
- Painfully unfunny. Just painfully. Owen Wilson's whiny guy schtick just
wasn't cute. I felt sorry for Matt Dillon who can be really great in comedy.
But stop letting Owen improv.
8. American Dreamz
- How could a movie with Hugh Grant as an unscrupulous A-hole be so unfunny?
A satire with no perspective or bite, this movie can't make reality TV or
George W. Bush amusing.
7. A Scanner Darkly
- All due respect to the technical process, but what the hell was going
on in this movie? If someone can explain the story to me, maybe I'll take
it off this list. Something about being undercover with druggies and creating
an alternate personality. Maybe it's really cool but I'll never know.
6. Dirty and Shadowboxer - Cuba Gooding
Jr. has become the kiss of death for movies. If he's in it, just stay away.
Dirty has the white collar Hollywood actor pretend to be
a foul mouthed tough guy. Shadowboxer has him play a conflicted
hitman who walks through the front door and screws his older mentor thinking
it makes him deep. It doesn't. It's just boring and worthless filmmaking.
- Here's a boring drama with no real conflict. When they finally riot, we
don't even get to see it. All we see are actors talking about what they're
talking about, in case we're not sophisticated enough to understand it.
- I really didn't think I'd see any worse movies than Annapolis
this year. It does every cliché but badly. There's a reason formula
works. They just couldn't figure it out. The fact that it doesn't even remotely
resemble Annapolis is the least of the film's problems.
3. Everyone's Hero
- If this really was Christopher Reeve's vision, he should know better.
Just because you're disabled doesn't mean you can pander to kids with outdated
references and unsophisticated messages. Most likely, this was the fault
of the animators who picked up after Reeve's death. It was a bad year for
animation in general, but this was just unwatchable, boring and offensively
2. Step Up - It may seem harmless enough to have a silly
formula dance movie for kids, but this was terrible. The "street"
kids are so not street, the dancing doesn't even look real and those message
moments are insulting. It seems to have been made by people who don't know
how to dance, or tell a story.
1. Miami Vice
- I know there are die hard Michael Mann supporters out there, but this
may have been worse than Manhunter. How do you do a generic
undercover cop story and treat all the clichés like they're so important.
How do you do an action movie with so little action? How do you do Miami
Vice with no attitude? They just sleepwalk through their important
meditations on life. Guys, I know Tubbs and Crocket. You, sirs, are no Tubbs
and Crocket. But even as a standalone it sucked.
Stay tuned for the top 10 of 2006.