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Published November 16, 2007 in Movie Reviews
By Fred Topel | Image property of Paramount.
Beowulf Poster Beowulf
In the last few years, I've developed problems viewing 3D films. I used to be all about the Terminator 2: 3D attraction at Universal, then I started to notice things didn't come out at me like they used to. I figured the Robert Rodriguez movies didn't work because they were low tech versions, but after legitimate 3D like Superman Returns in Imax didn't work, the doctors confirmed it.

Beowulf Review

So, Beowulf is pretty good 3D if I could get through it. I didn't see anything coming out of the screen, but the depth worked and my vision never went blurry.

I'm still not buying this motion capture animation crap. They're still not good enough. People move awkwardly, liquid doesn't interact right and they're all glassy and shiny. They all look like blind people walking around with no focus. Angelina Jolie only looks like a stiff, wax version of herself and even the heaving bosom looks clunky.

There's a lot of CGI nudity in this too. At first I thought the drunk king's butt was a gag, but then Beowulf strips down and they hide his c*ck like an Austin Powers movie. Honestly, who wants to see a naked dude fight a monster, real or CGI?

There's some good action. Grendel brutally attacks the kingdom, there's a sea monster battle, the mano a mano and some more battle stuff at the end. Still, it's nothing we haven't seen before in live action. Certainly King Kong did everything with monsters.

There's all the standard talk about glory. It's a successor to 300 in that way. There's also a lot of sex talk, like we want to see cartoons doing it when there's perfectly good live-action porn available.

I just don't see the point of this technology. They make characters look just like people, then hire actors to move around but replace them with these images? It's not even cost effective, let alone aesthetically pleasing.

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Compiled By (Sources)
Fred Topel
Sources: Image property of Paramount.

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